Jan 29: Me, Myself and I

Note: this is just one of my writings when I was bored so there you are.

I sigh and tell myself that everything’s all right. Everything’s peachy. That I’m as happy as any nineteen year old can be. But of course, me, the world and even my family who are as dumb as they come though I’m not. I’m a college girl who has no means of freedom, who has to rely on her parents for almost all of her basic needs. I get treated like a kid no matter how old I get and it seems that year after year there are more fights. I of course, stopped trying to please them a long time ago because it’s not possible, why waste my energy in trying.  My theory is that they need to come to the 21^st century and come to the United States not just physically but in their mind as well.

I have spent my high school years trying to figure out who I am, trying to please them, trying to be the “good girl” the truth is, I never do or say anything for them to go all hyped up about. Yeah a curse word here and there when I’m ticked at them although I have gotten better. I do complain but who doesn’t? and so would you if your life was like a life in  a prison cell. I thought that finishing high school and entering college would set me free, yeah we see how wrong I was about that.

I still have expectations but I guess I should expect that too, I am from South Korea where grades are everything, parents are always right and teachers are encouraged to beat the kids who don’t try or who just do bad altogether. Don’t believe me, look it up.

A couple times my parents have threatened to take me back to my home country, threatening to tear me apart from the only lifestyle I have ever known. I beg them not to take me there and they say do a. b, and c, in otherwise, it’s blackmail. I am forced to work for them and translate anything English they can’t translate in my house. I am expected to get good grades even a B is not acceptable anymore apparently not in my “strong suit”  and then of course they want to pull the oh so famous “We’re your parents you can come to us about anything, we’re your family” BULL CRAP!

Trust me, being me is not a good thing especially not in their eyes and I doubt it will get any better once I tell them what’s in my heart. Because truthfully, I am everything they don’t want me to be. I went from being a Christian girl to a wiccan, I went from being straight and not being happy to having a girlfriend and being happy, to some extent. I went from having no kids to having two, both my fiance’s of course. Could you imagine the look on my mother’s face if I told her I had kids, I assure you she wouldn’t be happy and my father would keel over and die.

But one thing, they can’t change me, they can try all they want but I know that at the end of the day that I am what I am and by my friends’ standards that’s perfectly fine. I have my best friends who’s been there for me forever, and than I made some new ones in college who seem to like me okay, THEY are my real family and if you think you can’t pick and choose your family than well, you just as close minded as my parents are.