Jan 31: Headach

Ever try and please your parents for years? well that's what I'm trying to do because we keep fighting and arguing and I'm seriously sick and tired of fighting and arguing. I want a life but I want them to back off two conflicting interests at the moment. I tried for so long to make them understand and they refuse to I decided for a bit that I could just go on without them understanding unfortunately, this weekend has proved otherwise.

Its everything I am that my parents don't like apparently not me they don't like, but my lifestyle, my friends I talk to. The two exceptions to that rule well, couple exceptions to that rule would be my friends from school and my friends from camp. I keep trying to get through to their thick skulls that what I'm doing online on youtube is called Role-Playing and it's how I relieve my stress but unfortunately they make a whole big issue out of nothing. I'm about to make the most important decisions of my life and it may cost me, a lot. I feel drained and I have a headache and I just wish I can make all this go away but I can't. There's so many things I want, and so many things I don't want. I just wish I can survive college before I go crazy because this is ridiculous. There's two of my parents and one of me, I so wish to God I had siblings but I now can't really say anything about God since my religion's changed as well but oh well, I'm going to stop ranting now. Hopefully today will go better but it don't seem like it, another boring day of classes lets hope I can focus for my sake. I will have to because there's no way I'm falling asleep on my Crimj professor it just isn't happening.  

Jan 29: Me, Myself and I

Note: this is just one of my writings when I was bored so there you are.

I sigh and tell myself that everything’s all right. Everything’s peachy. That I’m as happy as any nineteen year old can be. But of course, me, the world and even my family who are as dumb as they come though I’m not. I’m a college girl who has no means of freedom, who has to rely on her parents for almost all of her basic needs. I get treated like a kid no matter how old I get and it seems that year after year there are more fights. I of course, stopped trying to please them a long time ago because it’s not possible, why waste my energy in trying.  My theory is that they need to come to the 21^st century and come to the United States not just physically but in their mind as well.

I have spent my high school years trying to figure out who I am, trying to please them, trying to be the “good girl” the truth is, I never do or say anything for them to go all hyped up about. Yeah a curse word here and there when I’m ticked at them although I have gotten better. I do complain but who doesn’t? and so would you if your life was like a life in  a prison cell. I thought that finishing high school and entering college would set me free, yeah we see how wrong I was about that.

I still have expectations but I guess I should expect that too, I am from South Korea where grades are everything, parents are always right and teachers are encouraged to beat the kids who don’t try or who just do bad altogether. Don’t believe me, look it up.

A couple times my parents have threatened to take me back to my home country, threatening to tear me apart from the only lifestyle I have ever known. I beg them not to take me there and they say do a. b, and c, in otherwise, it’s blackmail. I am forced to work for them and translate anything English they can’t translate in my house. I am expected to get good grades even a B is not acceptable anymore apparently not in my “strong suit”  and then of course they want to pull the oh so famous “We’re your parents you can come to us about anything, we’re your family” BULL CRAP!

Trust me, being me is not a good thing especially not in their eyes and I doubt it will get any better once I tell them what’s in my heart. Because truthfully, I am everything they don’t want me to be. I went from being a Christian girl to a wiccan, I went from being straight and not being happy to having a girlfriend and being happy, to some extent. I went from having no kids to having two, both my fiance’s of course. Could you imagine the look on my mother’s face if I told her I had kids, I assure you she wouldn’t be happy and my father would keel over and die.

But one thing, they can’t change me, they can try all they want but I know that at the end of the day that I am what I am and by my friends’ standards that’s perfectly fine. I have my best friends who’s been there for me forever, and than I made some new ones in college who seem to like me okay, THEY are my real family and if you think you can’t pick and choose your family than well, you just as close minded as my parents are.

Jan 28: Drink?

Note: This was just a scene I was working on when I was bored out of my skull so, it might not be one of my best works.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the following characters they just were on my mind and I wrote about them.

Alexandra Cabot strolled down the courthouse. It was around midnight and she was alone in the place, she never stayed late well, correction, she always stayed late. She had a key to a conference room in here and she always had been good with going in and out undetected. Most judges were out of here by the end of the workday so from around 5 to whenever she decided, she was left alone.

Although she had never been in a haunted house, that’s exactly how Alexandra felt like as the sounds of her heels echoed in the hallways. She was thinking and she usually did this, walk around the place when no one was around to think and get her brain to start flowing again. “How am I going to come up with a witness I don’t have?” she said barely above a whisper. She needed to close this case and soon because her cases were piling up on her. Not that she didn’t mind that, she just didn’t want to stretch the rubber band too far so to speak, biting off more than she could choose. Four cases in one week was enough for her.

She had been a D.A for a very long time and her methods had gotten her through many cases but this was the first one where there had been no witnesses. Very few DNA were around and she sighed in frustration. As she went back to the conference room she took a sip of the red liquid that was in her cup. She needed to ease her headache and she didn’t feel like being hyper so coffee was out of the question.

As she began to scratch some notes on her legal pad she drank so more in fact, she kept drinking from the headache she was getting not that it was doing anything for the headaches maybe it was making her worse she wasn’t sure. She drank until she passed out and when she awoke it was by the stern voice of her mentor friend and judge.

“Alexandra Maureen Cabot…explain yourself”

Jan 26: my best friend

Her hair is white and blond at the same time, her eyes I can't tell but they might be brown. I know she's polish but other than that not much else. It's the things I CAN'T see I care about. Her voice, sounds like a mother trying to sooth her child, it's gentle and kind but she always speaks her mind. She gives advice, she talks to me, she tells me what's on her mind. She pokes and prods encouraging me to do the same, tells me that I don't have to be afraid.

I still remember how we met. We bonded over Harry Potter at Camp. We've been inseparable ever since then and I will always love her to the end. She's the voice of reason, my guide and my shrink but we can talk and giggle about anything silly too. She always tells me "keep my temper and stay at home" it's the best thing until I can do otherwise. She is family to me no matter what anyone says and I dare anyone try hurting her because it won't be pretty for them I swear that today.

There are so many things I can say about her but I have no time and no patience at all. So I'll just leave it like this with one last thing to say, she'll be my best friend until the very end.

Jan 24: Rant of the Day

Disturbing the Peace

 Okay, so I'm sitting on a computer (I can't tell you where). When I see a guy come and take the computer next to me. That's all fine and dandy but I can't believe that while he's on whatever website he's on, he's bursting into fits of giggles like a little girl. First off, this is supposed to be a quiet place and all, people need to study and everything else and in my class just chill and I normally am not bothered if they are quiet but they are right next to me. As I am typing this I just want to tell the person to shut their mouth before I do it for them but of course, school rules say I can't do that and besides I can't smack anyone period. I love computers and I have work to do on mine, such as this homework right here which is why I am tolerating it and just sitting here not doing anything. Now the guy quieted down for a bit hopefully he will keep his pie hole shut. In the meantime, this might be just ranting or a diary post who knows, who cares. Gatta go now, gonna go back to what I was doing on Gaia and than of course I have to read over my notes for my Soc 12 class. Schooling never ends I guess.

Jan 19: Poem 1

Note: This was a poem I wrote but had to revise from high school. It's a sonnet about my favorite fictional detective. Olivia Benson off of law and order svu

She's always ready to lend you a hand
Her dedication to her work is great
When she comes in the room strike up the band
others say her police work is first rate

She puts other people before herself
For her there is no case too difficult
When undercover she always shows stealth
Her interrigation skills are sublime

For all these reasons she's the very best
This great detective stands above the rest